You’re Not A Bad Mother If You Say “no” Sometimes

How to be a good mother? You try every day to do what is best for your children, to feed them, to meet their needs, to play with them, to teach them to walk and read, to follow their dreams and to keep them in their arms when they have a nightmare or are afraid. But you have to remember that you are not a bad mother if you say “no” sometimes.

How do you know if you’re doing the right thing? When you raise a child, trying to be a perfect mother or father is totally unrealistic.

In reality, your goal should be much simpler: you need to be present at every stage of your child’s life to offer your support, to encourage him to be independent and of course, to help him find his happiness.

However, you cannot give your children everything they want, but rather what they need at all times. Therefore, you are not a bad mother if you say “no” sometimes.

Let’s talk a little more about this topic.

1. Don’t pay attention to them when they have fits of anger

At a certain age, children begin to ask for various things. They want to play with your phone, eat more dessert after dinner, buy them the toy they saw from a friend… and your answer is no. At that moment, the child has a fit of crying, stomping and screaming.

You are not a bad mother if you choose to ignore him. This is the most appropriate attitude because, if you take such behavior into account, you are only encouraging it, proving that it can work.

Outbursts of crying and anger should be ignored, because they make no sense: this is how the child learns to blackmail you to get what he wants, and you should not allow him to do so.

2. Don’t help them with light tasks

If a child does not learn to perform the easiest tasks at an early age, he will reach adulthood without having learned to be independent and responsible. It is a danger that you must try to prevent in advance.

If you refuse to tie her laces or do her homework, it does not mean that you are a bad mother. You encourage your child to be more responsible. Maybe he will get upset at first and object that he can’t, that it’s too hard, that he doesn’t know how.

But it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t make the perfect bed or did something wrong. Next time he will work harder. He will realize that he feels good when he does things alone, without anyone’s help.

3. You’re not a bad mother if you say “no”

Psychologists say that little ones start making their own decisions and confronting their parents around the age of eight. At this point they begin to understand certain fundamental concepts: justice, morality, respect.

It is important to make an effort to guide them in an appropriate manner. Children need your love, support and daily guidance.

If you say “no” to your child more often than you would like, it does not mean that you are a bad mother. You simply set some boundaries and teach him what is allowed and what is not, as well as what you expect from him at all times.

If you don’t let your child play on the computer today before doing homework, make sure you impose the same rule every day. If you are not consistent in setting the rules, and what is allowed today will be banned tomorrow, your child will not know what to expect.

Don’t be afraid to say “no” when needed. But be sure to explain the reason for the refusal, so that they understand.

Here are some examples: “You are not allowed to go out to play until you have finished your homework” or “You are too young to go out at night” and “You can’t serve dessert if you don’t feel well and can’t finish the meal . ”

4. You are not a bad mother if you do not sit next to your child at all times

This is one of a mother’s biggest fears. Of course you want to spend every moment with your child. But long working hours and a hectic schedule do not allow many parents to have lunch with their child, for example.

Do not worry. You’re not a bad mother if you don’t sit next to your baby every second. What matters is that the time spent with him is a quality one, in which to offer him your love and care.

When you are at home, make sure it is your priority. Listen to what he has to say, understand his unpredictable worries and comments. Make every moment you spend together count.

Children need to understand that we all have responsibilities – you work, they go to school. It is not easy to be permanently next to each other, nor is it necessary. Children need to learn to handle themselves, but to be sure that whenever they need you, you will be waiting for them with open arms.